A Meditation for the Child Inside Us

A few different approaches to psychotherapy have a framework that names aspects of our psyche as ‘parts.’ A part is sort of like character inside us who has particular way of thinking, behaving, feeling, reacting. For example, you might have a part that when faced with a new situation, that part worries about every little detail, or when you are instructed to do a task a certain way, your initial reaction is often or always to rebel. The image from fiction and pop culture of an angel siting on one shoulder and a devil on the other is a version of this. Parts are generated in our emotional landscape to meet needs inside us. Identifying ‘parts’ as a tool in therapy can support people to hold, learn about and process conflicting feelings. It can also support folks to create a little distance between themselves and their reactions, externalizing a dilemma so it can be navigated more easily. I feel the most powerful thing we can do with our parts is build a relationship with them so we can listen to and tend to the underlying needs that are trying to be met with this creative and ingenious psychological strategy.

Let’s play with an example. Say you have a friend whose ideas about how you spend time together often dominates your plans. They have this wonderful idea for a day spend together going to the beach, having dinner then out to a party to dance. Perhaps you were hoping for some quiet time before the party. A part of you reacts to this situation (and many circumstance) by being easy, going with the other’s plans. Maybe as a child you learned to get acceptance and love by being the easy child to your caregivers. Now you have come to unconsciously believe these two things are linked. That people pleasing, easy going self takes over and you go with the plan even though you know you will be tired, cranky and out of steam for the party. Then there is also a part of you who is a ‘hell no’ to the plan, is mad at you friend for asking and feels trapped into saying yes.

We can learn about ourselves and our impulses through using parts work. Frequently a part of self is trying to achieve a positive result for us or manage tension. Sometimes the way they are managing the situation is limiting us but the intention is good. In the above example, the result that the people pleasing part is trying to get to is being liked and feeling lovable. (We all need to feel lovable!) And the method of being quiet and chill is diminishing this person’s self expression and compromising their personal needs.

At times, we can have parts of ourselves that act, react and behave like children of all ages. These parts can be fun—bringing play, lightness and joy. And they can also be destructive to our lives if they take over and guide our decisions and behavior too much. In the above example maybe the child part who was a ‘no’ to the plan, grows resentful and gets triggered before the party, picking a senseless fight with their friend.

There is so much more to say here but learning to navigate our child selves can be a game changer in our healing and emotional growth. This meditation is intended to guide you to connect with your child parts, learn what they need and parent them with loving kindness.